Transition Photos

I was ambivalent about this post but I've had a shit ton of asks for it so...

Here is a generic timeline of my transition. These are photos I've gathered from various profiles plus the two pre-transition are snapshots of photos my mom had. I don't have dates except that the last two are from within the last 2 months and the two before are from within the last 2 years.

I post this, not with courage but with angst. Few people have seen my pre-transition pics and for a lot of them it can be shocking - I've even had some start calling me male pronouns. It's terrifying to think that one image can invalidate your entire self to someone. People don't realize how damaging that can be to your self-esteem. Being misgendered alone is hard but being purposely misgendered by someone you thought cared about you is worse.

To pretend I wasn't born male is stupid, I can't pretend (as hard as I may try) that it didn't happen and that I "didn't have a life before" my transition. I'm choosing now to embrace it instead of run from it.

I also won't pretend I was always pretty (and even now the term is subjective). It took years of practice with hair, makeup, presentation and body language to get to where I am - to where I'm comfortable. 

All I can say is that I was who I was, I am who I am, and I'm happy.

So maybe this can serve as inspiration for someone out there. Don't let the small-minded idiots get you down and if they do, you sure as hell don't let them keep you down. If I had, I wouldn't be the charming, flirtatious, beautiful, and humble person I am now.

Much love,

- Kae

So a really shitty thing happened today...

I heard the phone vibrating angrily next to my face. Looking over I saw the number that would signify a call I had been expecting but not believing would come for just over a week. I looked at it a little longer and decided I wasn’t in the mood to deal with this and rolled my face back into my pillow.

BZZZZ BZZZZ - New facebook message

BZZZZ BZZZZ - New voicemail

BZZZZ BZZZZ - New text message

BZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZZZ - Another telephone call, same number.

I picked up the menacing little device, suddenly a symbol of everything I dreaded. 

“Hello?” I mumbled half into the pillow.

“Kae, its Lac-” suddenly unintelligible sobbing.

A new voice. “Kae, it’s your mom,” her voice came over the line thick with tears.

“I just wanted to let you know that your dad passed away at about 11.”

I let out a breath and rolled over, pulling the phone away to check the time - 11:25.

I could hear the sobs racking my little sister along with my mothers harsh breathing.

“I have to call you back,” I muttered - promptly hanging up before the tears could close my throat.

Face back in the pillow and a painful moan shuddered from my toes, up my legs, clenching my stomach, lancing straight through my heart and spilling out my lips.

This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. He’d been admitted to the hospital with a bloody nose two weeks prior. I had gone down to see him for the first time in four years thinking this was the end. They’d said he’d be on hospice care until he passed - the focus on keeping him comfortable. 

But he wouldn’t pass. He’s my dad. Dad’s don’t die from mysterous, ongoing bouts of cancer that the doctors can’t fix. They make miraculous recoveries just when it all looks hopeless. They show their kids that anything is possible, that they can do anything and that the world is their oyster.

Then I realized that this isn’t a movie and dad’s do die; every hour of every day and my dad is no different. As much as he’s my superhero - my step-moms and sisters and countless other peoples superhero, he’s not indestructible except in my heart and soul. 

Miracles happen every day - just not the sort you see in movies.

It’s a miracle that I was brought into this world by two loving and supportive parents. That I was given many opportunities and strengths - not to mention weaknesses - because of them. Each parent had something new to teach me and though I hadn’t seen or spoken with my father in many years, he was teaching me something, even in his passing.

As much as I wanted - we all wanted - that big miracle - that magical recovery - we need to learn to appreciate the little and more often experienced miracles. A parents acceptance of their child’s strengths and weakness. A heated exchange that reveals something telling and, in turn, changes how someone is viewed for the positive. A near disaster that brings members of a family closer together. And, of course, a few extra days where you thought you had none.

My dad and I may not have had a whole lot of contact the last several years but my dad and I aren’t perfect. Regardless of faults, I know I will always remember him as a strong, gruff, sharp-witted, quick to anger, caring, smart, funny, hard working, loving, generous parent who wanted nothing but happiness for himself, his family and his friends. He’s in a better place now, out of pain and filled with the love and happiness he brought to so many others.

Rest in peace, daddy…

-Kae

Easy Chicken Casserole

Something I like to make when I just really don't feel like doing much. Most of the stuff is already in the pantry so its easy and tasty and it will leave you enough left over for lunch the next day.

You will need:

- 1 8oz can cream of chicken soup
- 1 8oz can cream of mushroom soup
- 1 cup frozen peas
- 1 cup frozen corn
- 1/2 small white onion finely diced
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1 package egg noodles
- 2 cups shredded cheddar
- 2 cans shredded chicken, drained
- 1/4 cup bread crumbs

Preheat oven to 375.

In a large bowl combing soups and milk. Mix thoroughly then add veggies, chicken and 1 cup cheese, set aside.

Prepare noodles according to package directions and drain.

In a large casserole or lasagna dish mix the noodles and soup mixture together and spread evenly. Top with bread crumbs* and remaining cheese. Cover with foil and bake or 20 minutes then remove foil and bake an additional 10-15 or until the top is bubbly.

Serve with a simple salad an you're done!

Enjoy!

*Turn this into a heartier meal by adding another 1/2 cup milk and omitting the breadcrumbs. Instead, top with cheese and cover and cook for 20 minutes, remove foil and top with pre-packaged biscuits (like those ones that come in the scary pop cans) and cook an additional 10-12 minutes.

Coconut Curry Chicken Soup

Thanks to Tiffany for taking the time out of her busy schedule of staring into shiny toasters to submit this magnificent recipe.

You will need:

- 1/2 c. butter
- 1 chopped onion
- 1/2 c. chopped celery
- 1/2 c. sliced carrots
- 1/4 lb.  fresh sliced mushrooms
- 3/4 c. all-purpose flour
- 6 c. room temp chicken broth
- 2 c. cooked wild rice
- 1 lb cubed chicken, cooked
- 1 tsp. toasted curry powder
- 2 c. coconut milk

In a large pot saute onion, celery and carrots in butter over medium heat until almost soft. Add mushrooms and continue sauteing until soft. Add in your flour and mix thoroughly to form a roux. You'll want to cook the roux for a couple minutes to get rid of the raw flour taste. Add broth (its important that it be room temperature so that the mixture doesn't seize) and whisk until no longer chunky. Whisk in the curry powder, coconut milk and drop in the chicken and simmer 1-2 hours.

I'll be honest, I only put in about 4 plain white mushrooms and diced them fairly small since I'm not a fan but they add great flavor.

Enjoy!

Bacon-wrapped Stuffed Pepper

Hearty and filling, these peppers are great served as a single meal with a side of crisped bread.


You will need:


- 4 large bell peppers your choice of color, seeds and ribs removed - reserve top
- 1 cup cooked wild rice - don't measure from uncooked since it will be different
- 1 cup whole kernel corn, drained and rinsed
- 1 cup black beans, drained and rinsed
- 2 cups sharp cheddar cheese, shredded and divided
- 1 8oz can cream of mushroom soup
- 2 jalapenos, seeded and diced
- 1 small white onion, finely diced
- 2 cloves garlic, finely diced
- 8 slices bacon, cooked until almost done but still soft and slightly pink

Preheat oven to 375.

In a large bowl, mix together  rice, corn, beans, 1 cup cheddar, soup, jalapenos, onion and garlic.  Mix thoroughly and stuff each pepper evenly and tightly.  Top each with 1/4 of the reserved cheddar and 2 slices bacon (you can actually wrap bacon around them. Just secure it with toothpicks that have been soaked in water).  Place in a baking dish and tent with foil, baking until pepper can be easily pierced with a fork- approximately 35 - 40 minutes. Remove foil and turn on broiler to crisp bacon (if not already) - leave oven open a crack while doing this.

Allow to cool 5 minutes and serve.

Enjoy!

Real World Ramen

Let's be honest - ramen noodles are a part of any household and actually have a lot of other uses aside from the standard soup recipe printed on the back.  Now, this isn't about those uses but about how you can make some really tasty soup with relatively few ingredients and time involved.  Ramen is simple and relatively good on its own but now that I've had it spruced up, I can't go back.  I know there are places you can actually go out for ramen and plenty of places to find recipes online so lets just add another to it. 


 First, here is a user submitted recipe from a good friend of mine, Edie.


Step 1: Boil the water - use a teapot, don't use a regular pot - who are you kidding?
Step 2: Pour water into the ramen.
Step 3: Wait 3 mins.
Step 4: Gourmet!

*~*~MASTER CHEF~*~*

That is, without a doubt, the most straight forward way to make ramen.  I laugh every time I read this because she really can't cook (ramen and pizza are her diet) and I just picture her making this with a teapot and I laugh harder.  There really are some simple steps and ingredients you can use to spice it up - almost all of which you should have on hand. For these recipes I used 2 basic flavors: Pork and Chicken.  You want to start with "good quality ramen" (I know, I know.  Is there even such a thing?) so opt for Maruchan over Nissin.  Another thing to note is how easy it is to make a meal out of this.  If you have some ingredients (leftover chicken, shrimp, etc) its easy to skimp on one part of the meal and make up for it in another.


Garlic Pepper Chicken Ramen


 You will need:


- 1 packet chicken ramen
- 2 large cloves garlic, minced
- 2 tbsp minced white onion
- 1/4 tsp black pepper
- 1 green onion, sliced
- 2 cups chicken stock
- 1 pinch cumin


In a small sauce pan, pour 2 cups stock, garlic, pepper and cumin and turn burner to high.  Just as bubbles are starting to form at the bottom of the pan, pour in the seasoning pouch for the Chicken flavor and whisk with a fork. Dump in the dried noodles and lower heat to medium.  Allow to boil for 2 minutes, breaking up noodles as they soften, and then turn burner off.  Put half your green onion in your serving bowl and pour in ramen, then top with the remaining onions.

You really can add any vegetable you want to your ramen, just be sure to add it in before everything starts to boil and make sure its cut relatively small since you only have a short cooking time.

The reason I use chicken stock in this is because it ups the flavor by a lot and takes away some of that weird sweetness that nearly every standard ramen flavor pack has.  If you plan to buy chicken stock, always go for a low sodium version - no need to make this any less healthy than it already is.

Garlic Pepper Pork Ramen


You will need:


- 1 packet pork ramen
- 2 large cloves garlic, minced
- 2 tbsp minced white onion
- 1/4 tsp black pepper
- 2 green onions, sliced


Because pork ramen packs don't have that weird sweetness in them, you can go without any sort of stock in this.  Bring your two cups of water along with garlic, onion, pepper and half the green onion just to a boil before adding the flavor packet.  Reduce heat to medium and allow to cook for 2-3 minutes.  Turn off burner and allow ramen to sit until no longer bubbling, then serve and top with green onion.

Spicy Ginger Curry Chicken


You will need:


- 1 packet chicken ramen
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 tbsp grated ginger
- 1/2 - 1 tsp spicy curry powder
- 1 cup chicken stock
- 1 cup water
- 1 green onion sliced


Bring your water/stock, ginger, garlic and black pepper to just a boil and add seasoning packet. Add your ramen noodles and lower heat to medium. Once the noodles have softened add your curry powder (as much as you like, really, but a 1/2 of a tsp will give lighter curry flavor as opposed to a full tsp) and mix well.  Allow the liquid to boil out of the pot. Serve warm with green onion garnish.

I will continue to add more to this as I experiment. I'm looking forward to teriyaki shrimp & steakhouse beef.


Update: 5/31/12


Teriyaki Shrimp 


You will need:


- 1 packet shrimp ramen
- 2 - 3 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 green onion, sliced
- 1 cup shrimp stock (not required but adds more shrimp flavor)
- 1 cup water (2 if omitting the stock)
- 1 tbsp teriyaki sauce
- 1/4 tsp ground black pepper
- 2 tbsp diced white onion
- 1/4 tsp red pepper flakes


Bring your water/stock, garlic, onion, red pepper flakes and black pepper to a light boil. Whisk in your teriyaki sauce and add the sauce packet.  Bring to a full boil and add in your ramen.  Allow to boil 2 - 3 minutes until noodles are tender. Remove from heat and serve with sliced green onion.  If you have any shrimp left over (I reserved some from a previous meal) you can add it to the soup after its removed from heat and allow it to heat through. If the shrimp isn't cooked, add it in when there's about a minute left of boil time.

Enjoy!


Have some ramens that you do?  Leave a message in my gravy boat so I can try it out and add it to the list!

Delicious Deviled Eggs

Deviled eggs are a staple - from excess Easter eggs to New Years Eve blowouts. There are so many different ways to make deviled eggs that even I've gotten confused when looking through recipes. What I've noticed, though is that most recipes just say "prepare your eggs".  Well, most people don't know its entirely possible to over boil your eggs which is what gives you the dark ring around the yolk. I'm guilty of this and, while I don't believe it makes it taste any different, I do think that presentation is just as important. This is a fairly basic recipe that is packed with flavor.

You will need:

- 6 extra large eggs

- 1/4 - 1/2 cup good quality mayo

- 1 - 2 tbsp bacon bits

- 1 tsp yellow mustard

- 1/4 tsp salt

- 1/4 tsp pepper

- 1 1/2 tsp dill relish

- 1 tsp paprika

- 1 green onion, sliced diagonally

Place your six eggs in a large pot and fill so they are covered with cold water.  Heat stove burner to high and allow pot to come to a rolling boil, then turn off and allow eggs to sit in water for an additional 15 minutes.  Drain the hot water and fill will cold, allow eggs to sit about 5-7 minutes until comfortable to handle. Don't allow them to cool completely as it makes the film beneath the shell more difficult to remove and that little thing is a nightmare to deal with as it is.

Because water will tend to gather under the shell in the larger bottom, smack the egg against the counter there, then roll the egg to break up the rest of the shell. This will also allow any water under the shell to move to other parts of the egg so the film underneath will be easier to remove.

Once your eggs are peeled, halve them and remove the yolk into a separate bowl.  You'll notice the yolk is bright yellow as opposed to that muted color you get when you over cook them.

Start with the quarter cup of mayo and add everything but the green onions and paprika.  If you want more mayo you can add it depending on how wet you like it. 

Now this part is entirely up to you on how its done.  I prefer a more "rustic" approach and I'm also lazy.  If you have piping bag you can use that or you can just take a ziplock sandwich bag and use that. If you're using the sandwich bag, scoop all of your filling into it and mush it to a bottom corner.  Hold the open end tightly and snip off a small part of the corner (start small because its easier to cut off more than to try and transfer to a different bag).  Twist the bag to squeeze out your mix and fill your egg cups.

If you want to do it my lazy way, just scoop some of the mixture up with a spoon (though a melon baller gives it a much prettier look) and dump it in the egg cups, patting it down with your fingers.  Put the paprika in your palm and pinch/sprinkle it over the finished eggs.  Garnish with your green onions and you're done!

ENJOY!